Wednesday, May 25, 2011

a worst week ever!


many things came in once, how i gonna handle all these?
old problems have not settle down , another problems raise..
solution i need solution!

i always believes this...

''when God closes one door, He opens another, or a window. ... because He wants us to go through..''

where is the window? i need to find it out asap..if not everything will be in a chaos..

Sunday, May 8, 2011

我的妈妈

妈妈,今天是你的大日子,
很遗憾的,你两个宝贝儿子没能陪在你身边,就连你的丈夫也得在外波工作。



妈妈,你知道你是何等的伟大吗?
曾经的你,也算个游手好闲的少奶奶,
爸爸一度生意失败,变卖了所有的房子和汽车,就连你毕生积蓄也拿了出来,
你的生活也变得起起伏伏了,
从豪华汽车,变为巴士老爷车,
你很坚强,你不离不弃,对爸爸也对我们,
有一段时期,爸爸到国外工作时,一年没回家,你曾经一度扛起我们一头家,
你们肯定没有试过rm15 能吃一个礼拜的菜吧,是三餐哦!我妈妈可做到了!
虽然餐餐粗茶淡饭,包菜马铃薯鸡蛋,肉类是不可能的,
妈妈早上去工作时会炒饭,等我们放学回来有的吃,
有时我们放学回来,炒饭也已经臭了,我们也照吃!
哥,姐,你们还记得吗?当我们放学回到家,一把门打开,
扑鼻而来的臭味吗??XD


妈很精打细算,即使自己再辛苦一点,也坚持要我们把学业完成,不让我们挨饿,也从不埋怨。
还记得有一次,我和妈妈走路去买菜,买到没钱给巴士费,手拎的很酸,但我们也得用走的,一路上,我吵着口渴,妈妈很心疼,但她也没钱给我买一杯水,她不断安慰着我,说就快到家了。。。。


你们肯定觉得很像在听故事吧,很戏剧性对吧?其实人生如戏,戏如人生啊。。
外人可能不相信,可是我们作子女的怎会不了解呢?

妈妈一路以来,都觉得亏欠了我的大哥,因为他中学一毕业,就得帮家里赚钱,他18岁,就在外头一个人打拼, 没有家里人的陪伴, 自己租了个小小的房间, 大哥很懂事,也很独立,很顾家,很孝顺,每个月都会定时寄钱给妈妈,我们一年也没见他一次,也可能是因为这样,大哥在家并没什么跟我们聊天, 为了家里而不能让他继续升学,这是妈妈一生的遗憾吧,她虽然没说,但我可以感受到。。。也可能因为没什么读到书,也一方面为了赚更多的钱,他做了一个错误的决定,什么事情我就不多说了,当天我们全家看到他时,我们都哭惨了,爸妈应该很心疼吧!


二哥,比较任性,比较叛逆,爱顶嘴,脾气坏,他常常埋怨这埋怨那,可能是不知足吧,他不知道,爸妈能给的其实已经给完他了,妈妈常常被他气得快疯了,但他是很聪明的,但就狡猾了些,总是为了自己的利益,而不理会别人的感受。。以前的我很爱和二哥聊天,觉得他对我很好,可是不知何时,他的个性也慢慢变了,老是找妈妈当出气筒,妈妈有时被骂的流泪了,我很不开心,他在我的日记上出现了很多次,我很在意他,但他一次又一次的让我跟妈妈失望,有好几次,都为他流泪了。。。


曾几何时,大哥跟二哥总是出双入对,感情很要好,但如今的他们却各走各的,一年也没说上一句话, 爸妈也无能为力,妈妈常对他们说,这生你就只有这个兄弟,来生你我互不相熟,又何必斤斤计较呢?妈妈很无奈为何会搞到这种场面。。。


姐姐呢,以前在我眼里的她,比较不成熟,头脑简单,四肢发达,离家出走,搞自杀,什么都做了,她老是觉得家里亏欠了她,老是觉得妈妈偏心,不疼她,其实妈妈对谁都一样,妈妈比较爱护大哥,是因为觉得亏欠了他,妈妈也当然知道你也曾经为家里付出,但你希望妈妈回报你什么呢?但现在的她,改变了许多,比较有思想了,在妈妈的眼里,姐姐比较不会分辨好坏,担心她一次又一次的做错选择。。


而我呢,可说是家里最幸福的,中学毕业后,家境也好转了,爸妈也有能力供我读书,哥哥姐姐也很疼爱我,会帮忙我,当然我也会不懂事的时候,也爱顶嘴,也会任性,但当我任性时,大家都很迁就我,我很感谢,我拥有你们,妈妈唯一对我的期望,应该就是好好读书,考出好成绩吧。。


家人对我来说,是非常重要的,

我很重视家庭,家人的一举一动,都直接影响我,

每个礼拜天的家庭日,我都不会错过,

每个家里成员的生日,我都记牢,

只为了不要错过,能让我们聚集在一起的每个日子。。

可是,我们一家人完完整整坐在一台,一年只有一天,也就是团圆饭的那一天。。





我很珍惜。。。





现在,妈妈也算是挨到了出头天,家境也日渐好转,
我们也长大成人,也该也没什么好担忧的了。。
现在的她,变得好懒惰了,
老是说要辞职,
在家老是看戏睡觉的
哈哈,以前的她,应该累坏了,现在要好好享受懒人时光。。

妈妈,很感谢你一路的栽培,
你让我来到这个世界,体会人生,我很感激,
你的用心良苦,和不离不弃,我很感动,
你无私的奉献,我感受的到,

我的妈妈,
她不会做菜,
可是我们却吃她做的菜而大的,
爸爸常常取笑妈妈,
说她做了几十年的菜,从来没进步过。。。


我的妈妈,
她也不回作家务,
老看她忙东忙西的,可是家里没有整齐过。。

我的妈妈,
爱唱歌,
从以前就告诉我们她要参加ASTRO 的歌艺大赛,
从还没到45岁,讲到过了50岁,
都还在家里看着那个节目!
他唱歌很大声,但不好听,哈哈!


我的妈妈,她是很独特的,
她爱护我们,
我们不是富家千金
但她也把我们当作千金看待,
家里没佣人,
也从不让我们碰半点家务,
即时自己做得再累,也不希望我们双手向她一样粗糙。。
她常说,少女的手,是因该滑润的,是因该零瑕疵的。。。
她也不在意,外人说自己的女儿半点家事都不会。。。
她自己没吃好的,却让我们吃最好的,
水果也会切变,让我们吃,只希望我们健健康康, 肥肥白白。。


我妈妈或许有些自卑,她很少朋友,可以说几乎没有朋友,
她害怕自己不比别人好,可能她害怕被人取笑,
她的朋友,就是我们的朋友,
她常常吵着要和我们一起喝茶,上云顶。

我妈她很可爱,很直接,天真
我也当她是我的朋友,
我们讲话方式也很特别,但旁人会觉得我很没礼貌,对妈妈大小声,
可是我们却是这么沟通的。。。
有时说的话,让我们笑得流眼泪,
我们无所不谈,男女老少,八卦
什么都聊。。

能当你的女儿,是我的荣幸,
现在我能做得,是常常陪在你身旁,
我会用一身来报答你。。我爱你,妈咪


原谅我的自私,总把自己放在第一位,
原谅我的无知,常把你给气坏,让你心疼流眼泪,
原谅我的无能,


因为到此时,还没能让你过更好的日子,没能让你为我感到骄傲。。。。。。








愿天下的妈妈们,母亲节快乐!

常常陪伴着妈妈,总比物质来的有意义吧~

当然,给与关心和物质,是最好不过了>.<


2009 年的母亲节,两年前了,好丑哦=.='





Homemade tiramisu for mom~


2010年也有庆祝,可惜我format电脑时,忘了做back up,2010年的照片全没了

a word can change your life

many things happened on me in once..
i just donno how to face everything, friendship, studies, family relationship..
the way i settle matter might be a big problem...
i shudnt do in that way..
i hurts everyone that cares about me..
i never know how to appreciate it..
they care me, they love me, thats y they lecture me..
i m not good in expressing feeling..
but y so damn hard for me to say a ''sorry''?!
this is the simpest word that can settle down everything..
what makes me so hard to speak it up!!


I"M SORRY....


Saturday, May 7, 2011

today is just not my day

i used to be very tolerant, i never want to have argument with friends, how often i will argue with friends?
i was trying hard to defend for myself, because i feel myself is not being respected by u,and people think that is unreasonable for me to defend..i wondering why, when the same thing done by others, it is reasonable, when it done by me, it becomes unreasonable...ahahha..what an unfair world...you did angry before right? when people not respect u? why my anger is unreasonable, but yours are reasonable?

things happened must have a reason, did you ever try to figure out why i have to act that way? i wont act that way without a reason rite??? not to be deny that, i did wrong on my part also, i willing to apologize...but please, you have to be understanding also, try stand in ppl's shoes, try stand on other's point of view before come out with your words.. respect others and care about other's feeling...stop being a spoiled kid... no offends k? i m just expressing my feeling as what u usually did..

now only you realized that a simple words can actually harmful and hurts others, haha...try to think, did u done the same thing to others before?? you might say no, coz u never know and we might never tell, or u dont even want to accept it.. people tends to forgiving because they treats u as their love one, maintain the friendship... sometimes u might be joking or whatever, but people wont know, ur face is serious, and ur words are hurtful, what if people take it seriously as u take my words seriously today? does it hurtful?? YES, IT DOES!

i seriously hope you know about it,
to non-stop forgiving is foolish because people would likely just do more of the same as soon as they next had the opportunity, unless the person willing and acknowledge that they have done wrong..
you used to have power over others, comply with you..try think about it, are you allowing others to have power over you? always comply with him/her?
NOT right?! u wont be happy when ppl controls over u, coz we all have our own opinion and own way of doing things! what for u still wan others to comply with you...? try to respect others..be respected, that is essential....

i willing to apologize for i have done to you today, i'm so sorry, but please, try to accept when people critisize on you, accept when you done something wrong, dont push the responsibilites to others, no one is perfect, just be responsible, caring and understanding...
i hope this wont affect our friendship, i wrote this is just to let you know, if u dont feel like to accept it or u think what i said above is totally wrong, then u just ignore this...and behave as usual..

again, no offends k? this is the 1st time i express out my feelings u know??
i m not intend to make thing worse...please stay calm n dont be mad ya.. XD
tomorrow will be a brand new day for me and for u ( you might not read this also)
update ur blog la! make it active