what's in me?

i was in a bad situation,
both mentally and physically,
as i said, i m not myself anymore,
i meant it,
i cant speak up what i want, what i needed,
i m trying to hide all my feelings inside,
i admit that i m kind of greedy and selfish person,
but then i m also kind of softhearted person,
when i said yes, its actually means no,
why are NO so hard to say?
just because i care, i cares about people's feeling,
i dont want anyone get hurts,
i have thousand things in my mind,
but things came out in opposite way from my mouth,
and this almost break me into two person,
i cant be myself, it isn't me, and i dont know which one is me?
i m very confused, i need someone to consult me,
i hope to stop all this shit, but then i cant..
i wan to be frank, but i choose to tell lies, because i dun wan people get hurts,
i lie myself, i lies to you, and everyone
i need a break, i m seriously tired with all of these....

do you know that?
i wanted for so much..
its more than you can imagine...